I have dealt with death multiple times. The instance when the full weight of the person or animal being gone is different every single time I have experienced it. I hate to sound trite, but they really are like snowflakes-the pain is individual to each other. In another way they somehow fit together like a patchwork quilt, something beautiful that has obvious scars from the stitches that hold it together.
My introduction to death was the death of my paternal Grandpa. I don’t really remember being too sad about it, even though I knew that he was gone forever. Maybe I blocked it out. Maybe it was because I saw how upset my father was and I decided to become stoic for him. (Stoic at five years old, yeah, I was capable of being that, believe it or not. I was a very old soul for my age. I understood things at a young age that the adults around me didn’t pick up on as quickly as I did. You pay a price for not only being an old soul but also very early in life. Just ask my parents.)
My second experience with death was when my paternal Grandma died. My Grandma Schab loved me as much as her husband did. I spent a lot of time at the retirement community she lived in for a while.
I remember the diabetic shocks. Every day with the oxygen tank due to emphysema. Nausea from the chemo due to her cancer. Knowing that she was gone after the funeral when things went back to “normal”. I felt glad that she was no longer in pain.
Speaking of pain, I can remember when I found out that my cat Gi Gi was so sick that her kidneys were failing. It broke my heart that I knew that she had to be put to sleep. She was still purring when I found her in a pool of blood one day, and she was purring when the vet put her down. There was no way I was going to put her on a bunch of medication to keep her alive because I couldn’t let her go. I still had her daughter, Lucy, who helped ease the pain. When Lucy ran away a part of me died. Just like a part of me died when my brother-in-law died. He just missed the first birthday of his son.
There have been more deaths in my life. These are but a few. I make sure I move on. I think that our loved ones want us to be happy, not ruining our lives mourning them.