OH MUH GAWD

Seen “The Sandman” on Netflix yet? https://www.netflix.com/us/title/81150303?s=a&trkid=13747225&t=more&vlang=en&clip=

Heavy

Mom has been gone for so long. She’s starting to get lazy in her progress. When she comes home, I will not tolerate any laziness, she is going to exercise and get better whether she likes it or not.

I’ve been watching Trisha Paytas burn her channel to the ground. I’ve been watching Youtube videos about how to care for a cow’s hoof.

I’m on Hulu right now and have skipped through the movie Bohemian Rhapsody to the Live Aid concert because I need to feel something other than this dread. I have to take care of her while having my hands full with Lexi.

I took some Klonopin and I’m still awake. Not anxious anymore but I still don’t want to go to sleep and later on today I have things to do.

For now I just want to watch one of my favorite moments in cinematic history.

I’ll get choked up but so what. Watching a tortured genius tends to make one misty-eyed.

This is something I posted as a comment (discussing my mental illness)

This is a YouTube comment I left in someone’s comment section. It’s not proofread and it’s about my schizophrenia. My diagnosis is real unlike trisha paytas’s.

I am an actual schizo and every single time I started hearing voices, I went straight to the hospital.  The first time I went I was put on ambien (which causes blackouts) because my insomnia was so bad and my daughter s father was putting me through so much abuse I lost it on the MySpace blogs for the whole world to see and the people who I thought were my friends thought it would be fun to see if they could take it up a notch, make me feel more crazy. That’s when I realized that I was having actual auditory hallucinations and my family said my behavior was scaring them.  I had a brief moment of clarity and realized I had to be in a psyche ward NOW.  Lots of fucked up stuff happened while I  was in and out of the psyche ward trying to find a medication that would stop the voices. I finally found one in 2016 and I haven’t had voices since. My first move was to say “holy shit, I need to get off social media for a while so I can start dealing with this new normal” only to find out my so called MySpace friends were going around laughingly at what I was going through in my absence.  They went so far as to make a fake profile of me, steal my pictures and pretended to be me whenever they knew I was in the psyche ward. They tried to ruin my reputation because I have a real talent for writing and hoped that they could destroy my reputation because they were so fucking GREEN with envy.  They tried to move the drama to Facebook but by that time I was stable for the most part and REALLY FUCKING PISSED.i let them all have it. They tried to drag the drama on MySpace to Facebook and it didn’t work.  All they did was expose themselves as the pathetic jealous attention seeking sloths that they are. People tried to cancel me waaaay before cancel culture even existed. Guess what?  I’m still here, I make new connections and more fans as I go, and all they have are their circle jerks about how they were famous on the MySpace blogs for 15 minutes.  Most of those people are old enough to be tana mogeou s grandparents by now.   The thirst for being famous for doing practically nothing is ruining not just people but kids and whole families.  I thought the attention whoring was bad back then, now that attention whoring can be monitized thanks to the Kardashian’s et all so many ppl want to quit their 9-5 and be an I fluencer. Thanks for nothing Logan paul.

Getting Healthy: Week One

I started ordering healthy groceries almost a month ago. My goal is to lose weight through dieting and then start adding exercise. I don’t want to hurt my joints when I have so much excess weight.

My diet so far:

  • Grilled white chicken breast (to add to salad)
  • salmon
  • kale salad (i’ve never had kale but i got the sweet kale salad mix)
  • hummus with pita chips
  • fresh fruit (grapes, bananas, apples)
  • berries
  • mixed frozen vegetables (as a side for salmon)
  • yogurt (mostly fat free)
  • granola (to add to yogurt)
  • oatmeal (the fruit and cream variety pack)
  • sweet potato fries
  • fat free or low-fat yogurt
  • granola (for my yogurt)
  • flavored seltzer instead of pepsi
  • flavored rice cakes (those are more for my daughter to have instead of chips)
  • pre-measured cheese/cracker/nuts/cold cuts and/or fruit/dried fruit snack packs

The only thing I need to change now is whole wheat bread instead of white bread. My dad usually buys cold cuts for sandwiches but he likes the white bread.

I still get treats, I can’t eat healthy 24/7 right now, but so far i’m pretty much on 80% healthy 20% treats diet.

What I need to work on is my binge eating. I am trying to binge with healthy foods instead of junk.

I am also doing my best to avoid fast food and food that is too processed.

I am not a big fan of green leafy vegetables but I am trying to make myself eat them because I have to.

I am doing this because I am showing signs of type 2 diabetes. My dad has it, and I don’t want it.

I’m going to work hard to change my diet around so that I don’t have to worry about taking medication for it.

If you would like to donate to help me with my groceries, feel free to use my cash app: $k8bbw. I have freelance work but it is not always as lucrative as I would like it to be. You can also support me on kofi on my twitter profile @batiekear.

I don’t make enough money through ads from this blog yet, so every bit helps.

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