The Weight: Part One

I was doing well for a few weeks. Eating as healthy as I could, staying away from full-calorie soda (which I still am, I have diet soda now), but when my Dad told me that my Mom thinks she’s going to die, I binged. For a couple of days.

I haven’t lost anything. I thought I lost four pounds but the scale keeps saying I gained them back.

I did start exercising though. I have that step machine where I can sit down and work my legs, butt and abs while I watch tv. I’ll probably bring it out when I’m done writing this. I’m watching “Good Omens” again to recap. I’m so excited for the new season.

I’m not going to say “fuck it” and go back to binging whenever I want and not caring how much I put on or keep myself from losing. Everybody relapses at the beginning of detoxing yourself from the thing you are addicted to, so there is no point in me giving up. At least if I decrease my binge to maybe twice a month then cut back to once then maybe I’ll wein myself off of it for good. Food and full calorie soda are what I am addicted to the most.

This is like being a heron addict and not being able to quit cold turkey because your body needs heroin to live. That’s the best way I can put it.

So, tomorrow is another day and I’ll go on eating healthy. I actually am getting used to it and my body is starting to feel better even though I’m depressed because my Mom is still in the hospital and I haven’t seen her for about two months. I really need to go see her. It will be good for the both of us.

This is one of the hardest things I have had to go through and I am not having my diet be mostly rubbish. I need nourishment to help keep me sane.

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